From the Other Side
Almost 20 years ago, I woke up from a dream and felt an extreme emptiness. In my dream, my partner had forced me to have an abortion. A few days later, I found out I was pregnant. I had gone to bed after a negative pregnancy test, only to pull it out of the trash…
Farewell, Work Dad
Chris calling me, after I expressed needing his expertise on a project, perfectly captures the kind of relationship we had. I looked up to him, and he graciously offered his help whenever I needed it. Our relationship didn’t start out on the best footing to be honest. It was maybe my second week at this…
Never Enough
“Maybe it says, ‘Thank you.’” My therapist, Dave, shut his eyes and gently shook his head before giving me his full attention again. I was explaining to him how my narcissistic ex/co-parent had inquired about guests we recently hosted. And how I had initially responded vaguely — and succinctly — something I’ve learned to do…
Help, 1
I started to cry as my therapist tied my wild, chaotic thoughts together and pointed out that I was “packaging my thoughts” in order to “protect [him]” and that it really is OK for me to basically unload. There was no need for me to “parent myself.” He went on… it also makes sense that…
Firsts
I still remember one of my girl friends excitedly telling me after choir practice that S wanted to take me to his senior prom. I was a sophomore. S was smart, athletic, musically gifted, and handsome. Flattered, I told her I’d go to prom with him — and that was that. He never actually asked…
My Father’s Death
The COVID-19 pandemic has evoked in me a flurry of emotions ranging from sadness to frustration to outright rage. I’ve even had moments of immense gratitude. Now that we’ve surpassed 100,000 deaths in the U.S. alone (see here for up-to-date statistics), memories of loved ones who have passed away have started to surface. Most recently,…
Spilled Tea 